I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
