He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You pole danced in your parka.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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