dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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