Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
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It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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