So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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