I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
