C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
