normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
