508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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