I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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