i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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