I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize