if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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