i think my tv is drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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