kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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