im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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