But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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