I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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