I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
