the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
