why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize