you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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