I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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