yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
