Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
