how can u be prego again
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
