Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
