he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
