if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
