So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
