We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
