Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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