I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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