nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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