You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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