if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
