Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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