I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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