I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
