I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
