It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize