just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
