My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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