My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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