so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
