Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
