I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
