wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
