there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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