the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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