Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
