i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
this hospital has no fireball
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
