Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
