Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
