i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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