I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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