how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have aggressive nipples.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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