All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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