Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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