Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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