I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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