guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
