mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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