i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
