My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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