Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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