Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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