i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
