girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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