That's intense
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
